feeling thoroughly uninspired to post anything. Keep thinking back to memory-hoarding that someone nice I follow here mentioned: it looks like I spent 2 weeks amassing another set of them, like rolls of film (or SD cards as the case might be), and now I live off them, expecting them to last the whole year. I know it’s not true, and it shouldn’t be: I know right now is the most precious time in L’s life, but I only get to see him for maybe a total of 60 min per day, and the last 2 weeks were also precious because I got to spend the time with him, getting to know my own son. The days readily started to blend together again, mostly the work is meaningless despite self-important and urgent talk of people I have conference calls with. I am pretty sure they habitually lie: they can’t honestly believe in its importance beyond sustaining themselves and their families either, or else they are delusional. These are punctuated by weekends that pass too quickly and are mostly memorable for the dreams I get to see when sleeping a little more. Important, and wonderful, events, actually, do happen, like seeing a friend for lunch by work (first time in 3 months) – and learning that she moved in with her boyfriend and is now pregnant, another couple of friends (whom I haven’t seen in at least 4 months) got married last weekend – my first gay wedding ever, and it was nice; and my Mom got to stay with L that night – which happens rarely (and that made her immeasurably happy). Am I just jaded and lost the ability to see how wonderful the big and little things in my life are? It wasn’t always the case. What do I do about it?

Anon said my life was interesting – and it admittedly was – for 2 weeks out of year’s 52. Apart from that, I feel lost in the clouds that I keep posting here.