It’s beautiful here, and peaceful, and this airbnb’d house now smells of lilacs that we brought in, and L got to see some old machinery in the forest, and chickens, and goats, and rabbits, and being a city baby thought that birds were making a police siren sound.
I really want a place that we could make our own up here, always had, and this was the trip to see how realistic it could be. The long and torturous conversation yielded that we had a very different ideas for how and whether it could work, and that I must now abandon it.

What I learned is that I want a place to go to if or when the world falls apart – something to leave when I’m no longer here – but I now have to find some other way.